WAITING (March 20, 2014 )

Here I am, sitting at this cafe, across my house. My heart heavy, and the saddest melodies in my ears.

And there is this woman, I see almost everyday, passing by. A black woman in her sixties, always carefully dressed, always with a lit cigarette between her fingers. She sees me everyday and when I say hi, she introduces herself again, not remembering she has done the same thing the day before. Then with all this compassion she asks how I am doing. I know we will repeat the same routine tomorrow and she will meet the new me once more.

And there is this man, he comes to this cafe everyday. He always has a big smile on his face. Such a big smile that you can see almost all of his teeth, I have never seen him with an upset, serious or at least a neutral face. With his coffee cup in his hand, he stands by the door and gazes far away with that big smile of his. But then I think maybe it is not a smile....

And there is this other woman, old. It is obvious that someone else dresses her, puts her jacket on and buttons them up, puts her sneakers on and ties the laces ever so tight into these perfect bows so that she would not trip and fall. Someone for sure takes care of her. She, all day long walks up and down the streets. I see her in the morning, noon, afternoon, anytime I go out. She walks ever so slowly, with both arms slightly open as if she is trying to find her balance on a tight rope, her eyes focused somewhere or maybe nowhere, ahead of her.

And there is the mailman. He limps slightly as he walks. He always nods his head when he sees me. We sometimes have a small talk. He looks tired but also he looks dedicated to his job. Pushing his cart filled with everyone's happiness, sadness, worry, excitement, anger, frustration and love, he walks up the hill, tired. I wonder where his pain is written.

And there is this girl sitting next to me. Not knowing how much I hate lip smacking, she chews her gum to the fullest. Makes a huge bubble and pops it. I can see her tongue swirling in her mouth as she chews it. But then I look at her face and see an innocent kid. I can not get angry with a kid.

And there is this young couple outside. Hugging and kissing under the noon sun. His hands around her waist and hers on his shoulders. It is a perfect moment for a candid photo. I regret that I don't have my camera with me today. I take their photo with the eyes of my heart. Love is beautiful. Love is beautiful, before, while and after.....

And there is this young girl showing me her tattoo she has just had it done yesterday. It is a freshly carved black rose bleeding red.

And there is this old man smoking pot.... And there is the barista making her best cup of espresso, and there is this family crossing the street, and there is this dad laughing away with his little boy, and there are these college students having their beers, and there is laughter, and there is smoke, and there is baby cry, and there is life.....

And here I am, sitting at this cafe, across my house. My heart heavy, and the saddest melodies in my ears. I am waiting, and waiting hurts.

ZM